my first roll of film

The obvious question in a world of digital photography – why would you want to get into shooting film? 

A few days ago, I got back my first roll of processed film. I’ve been taking photos on this roll of film for such a long time, most of the photos I can’t even remember taking. I’ve really enjoyed shooting on film.

I made a few mistakes, which was inevitable, but I hope these can be avoided in the future. Film photography is simply a learning process, one of the risks I wasn’t too prepared to take.

I believe my film camera is the Canon AE-1 which was my granddad’s old one (I know the typical getting into film story). I used the Fujifilm Superia 400 which was perfect for both people and landscapes. I hadn’t done much research about film, but I knew this was good for beginners, like me.

Film photography is a much slower process from start to finish. There is no instant satisfaction or reassurance like digital photography. You can’t check the result before continuing, you just have to trust your gut instinct.

Apparently, film photography helps you become a better photographer? I can see why, it’s not as a simple as snap and go.

Let it be said, it is far more expensive than digital photography! Rolls of film can cost as much as 36 exposures for over £10 in some cases. Film processing is becoming ever more difficult to source. Luckily, I found Max Spielmann, the same company that serves Tesco with photo printing.

It ended up costing around £12 for processing and delivery. I just got the scans onto a CD; I don’t think it’s necessary to have everything printed.

So, without further ado, here are some of my favourite photos on my first ever roll of film!

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I love how all of these photos turned out! Everything I took photos of is pretty random; it was just whatever interesting thing I saw. I’m very proud of what I’m able to see and happy I can save what I see.

However, this doesn’t come without mistakes.

The first mistake I made is not setting my camera to my film’s speed. The film speed is the recommended ISO you set your camera to in order to properly expose. This is a simple error I made just because I didn’t read about it anywhere.

The second mistake I made was, at times, being lazy with the aperture and shutter speed. For pretty much all the photos, I set the aperture at f/1.8 or f/2.8. This didn’t really matter for most of them, apart from some.

My third mistake was not reloading the film correctly. I’m not entirely sure how this happened, but on some photos there is a part of the film which turned out completely black.

The final mistake I made was forgetting the number of exposures I had on my camera. My film camera can take photos up to 40 but my film could only do 36. So, once the counter had hit 36, I continued snap happy which resulted in this catastrophe of a photo.

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A factor I will definitely be taking into consideration next time is film speeds. Recently, I learnt the shorter the film speed, the finer the grain and the higher the film speed, the fatter the grain.

I adore the grainy film look so I think I’ll be sticking with the Fujifilm Superia 400. In terms of colour or black and white film, I’m really not sure. One thing is for certain though, I will be continuing to shoot film.

favourite new releases

During lockdown, some amazing music has come out, so I’ve decided to share some of my favourites!

+ bugbear by chloe moriondo 

Opening with a catchy bass riff, ‘bugbear’ explores Chloe’s uncertainty with the future and what she wants to accomplish. Presenting rawness and vulnerability in the track, the lyrics match Moriondo’s similar theme of expressing her true feelings though her music. However, this song is completely different from her ukulele days and I’m super excited to see where she goes to next.

being in this space has made me feel

a bit more small and I’m not quite sure where i’m goin’ next

+ the key to life on earth by declan mckenna

After the cultural phenomenon that was ‘What Do You Think About The Car’, he seemingly couldn’t top it. But, I think this song has possibly done so. Although the song is overall upbeat and quite funky, McKenna explains that ‘The Key To Life On Earth’ reflects on mundanity and hostility”. The lyrics explore themes of duality, humanity, and one’s place in the dynamic scape of human experience.

gold, let it unfold, imagine you’re dressed in gold

roaring crowds in manchester will manage to be told

+ you taught me what love is by beth porch

Performed on Britain’s Got Talent, Beth’s audition was immaculate. Honest and truthful lyrics combined with a simple chord progression and riff is all you need with a voice like hers. I can’t wait to see what she releases next.

[at time of writing, all proceeds generated from the purchase or streaming of this single go towards nhs charities together.]

and although it wasn’t for long

you taught me what is love is

+ waking in the dark by only the poets

The prominent message being about mental health and not feeling alone, this song is a reminder that we’re all only human and that it’s okay not be okay. Tommy’s voice is so incredibly raw and truthful which adds to the depth and texture of the track. Speaking on Instagram, he noted that “it’s the most personal song I’ve ever written.”

if you’re feeling lonely and you’re feeling far away

that don’t define who you are

+ if you’re too shy (let me know) by the 1975

The 1975 fans worldwide were heavily anticipating the release of this song after the exclusive performances on the UK Music for Cars tour. Some even claimed that it would solve all world problems and that the rest of the music industry “should just go home”. This track is the epitome of the band’s fun and energetic sound. All I’m saying is it’s definitely one to turn the volume all the way up and dance to (perhaps speaking from experience)!

if you’re too shy, then let me

too shy, then let me know

+ lie out loud by bloxx

Encapsulating all that I love about BLOXX, ‘Lie Out Loud’ is just another piece of ingenuity. The instrumentals are similar to those on their older tracks, but the production is way bigger. It’s so exciting to see a band you love grow and develop.

i’m thinking about you, I hate that

i love that sound, we lie out loud

+ affluenza by conan gray

Taken from his debut album, Conan explores the supposed correlation between money and happiness and explains his difficult relationship with it through this up-beat indie bop. Starting with light violin and consistent piano, the songs shift into an angrier tone with a sharp shift to a more electronic sound. ‘Affluenza’ ultimately explores the implications of wealth, but the underlying problems that impact all.  

money, money

ain’t it funny, honey

+ midnight love by girl in red

‘Midnight Love’ is something very different from girl in red. Exploring new territories with a more produced sound, the song focus on being emotionally raw instead of sounding raw. It has an almost bittersweet, nostalgic feel to it, definitely suited for a coming of age film.

i can’t be your second best

close but not your favourite

why we need to speak out

“if you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”

– desmond tutu

As a student with voice and platform available to me however small, I feel I have a responsibility to help in whatever way I can. In light of the recent events in the USA, we all need to speak out against injustice and racism, not just in the USA but in our own countries as well.

We need to hear everyone’s voice. We need to hear justice. Say that racism and injustice is wrong. Say that you don’t support it. Say that it needs to change. People shouldn’t be scared to speak out because we are speaking out for what is right. If you feel worried about saying the wrong thing, just know it is better to have tried than to have done nothing at all.

Those who are anti-racist, and who stand by the oppressed must not stay silent. This is an everyday battle. Black oppression continues and must stop.

These events have sparked conversations and demonstrations not only in the US, but worldwide. Particularly in the UK, we have now recognised that our own police force and government have changes to make. There are problems we need to solve, and we can solve them together, unified.

A lot of people are questioning why people are protesting about events that aren’t in our own country. For the case of the UK, here are some examples:

• Black people are twice as likely to die in police custody in the UK than white people
• Black graduates are two times more likely to be unemployed than their white peers
• Black women are five times more likely to die during childbirth
• 95% of the doctors who died during the first month of COVID-19 were from the BAME community

Systematic racism and oppression exists at all levels in the UK – the media, education, healthcare, advertising, employment, the justice system. If you can’t see it, you’re choosing not to look.

The news cycle will move on. This will become a memory. You must not move on. You have to keep holding yourself and your community to account. You have to keep on taking the actions and doing the work.

The things that are happening now are not isolated incidents. These current events fit into a larger pattern. We cannot erase the past but we can create the future.

Preformative activism is not enough. Sign petitions, educate and make yourself aware. If it’s safe to do so, attend a protest. Write to people in power. Support black owned businesses. Expand the diversity of media you consume. Law makers need to hear the voice of reason, the voice of change.

We can use this time to reflect on what you can do to spark change within our own communities. For me, this is especially at my school and sixth form. If we battle something we can change, then those changes can add up and promote fuller change.

I’ve also been using this time to reflect on my own beliefs and the structures that have benefited me. As a white male, I believe I have privileged from a system which is systemically unjust.

Society needs to come together and fight for justice and what is right in this world. And what is right is equality and an end to racism.

+ resources

• anti racism resources for white people
• article: 75 things white people can do for racial justice
• ways to help (include petitions, phone numbers to text/call, letter templates)
• what happened in the last 72 hours (a twitter thread explaining the situation)
• black lives matter mass document (includes petitions, ways to donate/educate yourself, protests and official contacts)
• letters for black lives
• resources & tools relating to racism and anti-blackness
• black history month (a folder with resources on influential black individuals)
• misinformation thread (a twitter thread on information that has been spreading which is factually incorrect)
• bail funds
• resistance funds
• racism in the uk: what they didn’t teach us in school
• how to help the movement if you can’t attend any protests
• what teenagers can do to support black lives matter
• 10 steps to non-optical allyship
• black owned businesses to buy from in the uk
• performative activism
• digital security: tips & guidelines (relating to protests and press coverage)
• black lives matter: education resources
• how to donate without leaving your house (youtube video)
• practical ways to help checklist (from the uk)
• letter to your mp template
• media to watch/read/listen and donation links
• uk colonial history
• racist fashion brands
• petitions that haven’t met their goal
• email templates to help change the system/get justice for those who have been victims of it

raspberry and almond muffins

I don’t know about you, but this weather is definitely making me feel like summer is on its way. Summer is the perfect time to do some baking and take advantage of all the wonderful seasonal fruit. Raspberries are one of my favourites especially because of how versatile they are. When baked, the raspberries ooze out of the muffins, creating a gorgeous texture inside.

ingredients:

• 250g of raspberries
• 200g of self-raising flour
• 200ml of milk
• 125ml of oil
• 100g of ground almonds
• 100g of golden caster sugar
• 75g of flaked almonds
• Three eggs

method:

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C/Gas Mark 4.
2. Line the muffin tin with twelve paper cases.
3. Beat the eggs in a large bowl with the oil and milk.
4. Without the raspberries or almonds, add the dry ingredients into a separate bowl.
5. Mix the wet ingredients and the dry ingredients together. Make sure not to overmix as the batter should be lumpy.
6. Stir in the raspberries.
7. Divide the batter between the paper cases and sprinkle the flaked almonds on top.
8. Bake in the oven for twenty to twenty-five minutes or until golden brown.

[this recipe was inspired by the one on great british chefs. click here for the original recipe!]

stop caring what others think

“each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage and confidence in the doing.”

theodore roosevelt

We’re all guilty of this. As soon as we wake up, we’re concerned about what the world thinks of us. But we can change this behaviour. We can change our attitudes and we can forget judgement and the pre-conceptions people may have of us.

We spend too much negative energy on caring what will please others, not on what we want. Our actions, appearances and lives are supposedly moulded by others. We need to stop living a life dictated by others, and that’s why I want you to stop caring what other people think of you. I don’t claim to be an expert and it’s not magic. This doesn’t mean you’ll become instantly more confident. Confidence comes in stages but self love is incredibly important. Being confident is incredibly important. Not caring what other people think is incredibly important.

I used to struggle a lot with thinking that everyone cared about how I acted and lived my life. Little actions would worry me and I’d get scared thinking that everyone was looking at me. These thoughts would consume me and sometimes would become unmanageable. I also used to hate my personality and the way I act. But I’ve discovered that not fitting is okay.

I believe everyone, no matter how much self-confidence they have, can’t withhold all these thoughts. I think that’s completely natural. However, it all came when I realised that no one really cares. We’re all preoccupied in our own thoughts, own actions, own lives. We’re too busy thinking about ourselves!

I think that it is just human nature to overthink. Overthinking is one of our worst habits as humans and it’s something that is difficult to avoid if not focused on. Overthinking can lead you to think you’re being judged even when that’s not the case. Whenever it happens, replace your overthinking with positive thoughts.

I think the journey to self-confidence involves discovering that it’s impossible to please everyone. You can’t be everyone’s friend. As much as you want to, you can’t. Everyone is different, we’re all unique. Some people get along and some don’t. But that is fine! People will make assumptions about you, there’s nothing that can stop that. We all have free will after all. What can you do? Not let those people affect you. Keep perspective, those comments mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Opinions are always changing.

Don’t be afraid to remove the negativity in your life. Stop talking to that person making you upset or angry. Unfollow or unfriend. Stand up for what you believe in! You deserve happiness.

Life’s too short to spend time worrying about what other people think. Do you need to waste those precious moments debating whether people will like your outfit? Do you need to fuss over what you say next? You know best. You are the only person who can live your life. Live it in the way you want.

learning to love yourself

“i was told this is where i would start loving myself…”

dodie clark

Learning to love yourself. A difficult topic to talk about when so many of us hide behind fake personalities. Is it necessarily our fault? Does society place stereotypes on us that we can’t help but obey? Are we still living in a world that makes us question our own identity?

Throughout my life, I’ve never fitted into the typical male stereotypes. I don’t like football, I don’t play video games, I’m not muscular. The list goes on. What I’m trying to demonstrate is I don’t fit into those labels. And I’ve learnt that’s not a bad thing.

When I was younger, I used to question my identity. I wondered when I would find people who actually understood me and loved me for who I am. Primary school was not very easy for me and I found myself just spending lunchtime in the library alone with my thoughts and books for company. In the last year of primary school, I realised I had to start making an effort with people. From the moment I started doing that, I began to make new friends and form bonds with my classmates.

I’m currently in my second-year of GCSEs and I can safely say I am so much happier. I’m comfortable in my friendship groups and have discovered so many like-minded people. I’m not meaning to brag, but I can say that most people in my year group know who I am. But perhaps that’s because I’m a twin.

Secondary school hasn’t been completely perfect. There have been a few incidents but from past experience, I’ve learnt to toss it aside because life’s too short to care about the people who don’t like you.

In the past two years, I’ve grown a deepening love for music, fuelled by the people who also share my love. Being a musician, one of the most important skills is being able to work in an ensemble. Since joining a new wind band, I’ve met an incredible group of people and I can’t wait to go to Paris with them in July.

The one thing I want you to take away from this post is: it’s okay to be yourself. As cheesy and overused it may sound, it is completely okay and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s not going to be easy on your journey of self-love but you will get there and find comfort in your true self.

taking time off social media

This week, I decided to take a mini break from social media. Uninstalling and signing out of all my social media, I’ve learnt so much from so little.

+ establishes the reason why

Why do you use social media? It is to keep in touch with friends, see what others are doing or even just because everyone else has it? This week, I discovered I use social media to keep in touch with my friends. After signing back in, I realised I did not miss anything important but what did I miss was the people.

+ reclaims your time

I have an app called Moment that tracks my phone usage and this week I went on my phone so much less. I realised that I could be using that time for something more productive. I now know what I could be doing and plan to reduce my social media usage dramatically.

+ opens your eyes

Having no social media really opens your eyes to the world. Instead of worrying about sharing what you’re doing, you can really live in the moment. Being a naturally creative person, I still took photos and videos but for my own benefit instead of others.

+ focuses you on your goals

I would say social media is one of my major distractions. Removing this distraction completely, I was able to do whatever I wanted without it in the back of my mind.

Going forward, I plan to turn off all notifications that are not messages and use social media less. Social media is not a bad thing, it is the complete opposite. It is such a powerful tool and when used in moderation is okay.

[photo by magnus mueller from pexels]